Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
