Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
