the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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