Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
