Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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