ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
