If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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