i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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