its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
