Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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