My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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