And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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