My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS