AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
