Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
