I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
