1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
