Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
