I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
