She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
