so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
