Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
