Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
