before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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