me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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