I can't breathe out the right side of my face
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
