Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
