you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
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you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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