got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
