Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
