It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
should my penis look like a turkey
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
