I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize