Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
