And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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