im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
