At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
