I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We're too hungover to prance.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
