I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I feel great
I just peed on a car
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize