508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
