well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
