I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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