Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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