tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
