did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
