well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
