Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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