She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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