Whod you bang
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
