It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's always time for handjobs
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
