There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
