So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
