I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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