dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
