Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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