I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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