He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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