in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Your dad touched me again.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
