Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
