somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
