so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
