I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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