So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.