I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too