he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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