Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
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You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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