dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
