so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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