maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
