You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
