why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
